Watching it Begin Again

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn't like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turn the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn't get this song
But I do, I do
Walked in expecting you'd be late
But you got here early and you stand and wave
I walk to you
You pull my chair out and help me in
And you don't know how nice that is
But I do
And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause
He never did
I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again
  ~ Taylor Swift, Red Album~

I have been playing this song on repeat lately...it has been speaking to my heart and telling my story. There is a reason I can't seem to wipe this goofy grin off my face. In the words of my favorite, Ms. Reba McEntire..."His Name is Jon." ;)

Taking off the masks

Forgive me for not updating this earlier...it's been a crazy summer. I have started attending my small group regularly and I'm finding some great friendships coming out of this journey of stepping out of my comfort zone. One of the girl's in my group lent me a book that is seriously changing my mindset on a daily basis. The book is called Grace for the Good Girl, letting go of the try-hard life.

I have lived so much of my life up until this point doing exactly that, trying hard to live a perfect life with so many masks. Here is an excerpt that really spoke to me:

As a good girl, my worship was small and my service was toxic because I didn't understand the completeness of my rescue. I knew I was going to heaven when I died, but I thought my life on earth was all up to me. Jesus saved me, and now he was standing back with his arms crossed, waiting to see how I would live my life. Service seemed a burden. Worship felt contrived. I had received Christ by faith for my salvation, but I was working hard for the rest. Until he said ENOUGH. When I began to understand that my true identity was not in how I looked, how I felt, or the lies I believed, my masks began to lose their staying power. It wasn't because I was trying hard to remove them. It was because I was seeing Jesus for who he really is, and in turn I was letting him see me. 

This summer my journey of faith has continued and God has brought me out of more comfort zones. I have started dating again and that is a whole new world to me, full of insecurity, questions, talking about myself, and trying to impress. I can understand why people enjoy it when its going well, and I can fully understand staying in the house to wallow when its going poorly. God is teaching me so much about myself through this process and He is constantly revealing himself to me through prayer and this book.

And so what happens in the life of a believer who has received both the gift of salvation and the knowledge of Christ's everyday presence and empowering? What is the result of sticking to his side like a girl peering out from the folds of her mama's dress? What happens when a mask-wearing good girl comes out of hiding and dares to trust love rather than be pushed around by fear? 

I don't claim to have all the answers...I have 100 new questions each day about how this plays out in my life, and my friends' lives...BUT I am super excited to see what God has in store for me this Fall!! This good girl is coming out of hiding and taking off the masks and I'm ready to really see my face the same way God sees me. Join me on my journey :)