Whoever coined the phrase "patience is a virtue" is not my friend. Deep in my heart I know it's true, but it's still not an easy concept to swallow. God is definitely teaching me patience in my life right now. He has me in a "time of waiting" and it seems to get more and more frustrating everyday. I am in a constant state of battle with myself over what I know the truth to be, and what I feel at the moment. Conversations with myself go like this..."I know God has a great plan for me and whatever is around the corner is better than what I have now, I just have to wait for it to be revealed." but "I am so tired of waiting and I want an answer now!!"
I don't want it to sound like I am complaining because I am really trying not to complain, I am just having a hard time with the waiting. I know it boils down to trusting in God and knowing that He has a plan for my life. That just seems to make me feel worse because not only do I feel like my whole life is out of my control, but I also have to admit that I don't trust God like I say I do.
Recently, in the past 3 or 4 months, it seems that every major area of my life except my relationship with my husband has been questioned, and in almost all of those areas I have been told to just WAIT. Our business has been at a stand still for almost a year, its doing steady but not really growing. In the last couple of months it has started to pick up the pace, but it still feels like we are waiting for everything to start happening. With my job, we were told about 4 months ago that within the next year our whole department is going to be transitioning to a new structure and we will have to reapply for our jobs. This in and of itself is very stressful and again it is a waiting game to see what everything will look like for us next fall.
In August I applied for a job in another department on campus and have been waiting for a response back for the past month. I made it all the way to the last round of interviews and was one of three that they were considering. I have been wracking my brain with the "what ifs" and trying to imagine my life and how things would change for us if I were to get the job. Well I got word today that I didn't get the job, and I have mixed feelings about it. First I am disappointed. I really needed something good to happen for Daniel and I. I am so tired of being disappointed all the time by situations, finances, and people. I really wanted a win. The other side of me keeps saying that God is in control and I just have to trust that something better is around the corner.
Lastly, and probably the most trying of all the waiting situations in my life is waiting to find out when we can start our family. This one is bothering me the most. It seems like we are stuck in an endless loop...we have to wait for our finances to improve so we can afford to have a baby, but we don't have any new job opportunities available at the moment to help our finances improve, so no baby. Daniel and I have been constantly looking for a job for Daniel when he finishes his schooling, which should be this year, and I have been applying for jobs this year too.
So as it stands for the Perrys....we are waiting on God. Waiting for him to open doors of opportunity in all areas of our lives. We are waiting for new business contacts, new jobs, new family members. Please continue to lift us up in prayer and ask God to help give us strength and perseverance to get through the waiting times. I look forward to what 2011 has for us, and all the great changes that are to come.
