Forgiveness

I have had a few weeks to reflect/dwell/wallow about this separation and impending divorce and I have to say, I still have days where I fall apart emotionally, but for the most part, I am doing really well with it all. That surprises me, but I have been finding great comfort in the music of WayFM, the book I'm reading for book club called "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore, my amazing group of friends and family, my loving puppies, and constant prayer.

Over the past few weeks, I have decided that I can only control my thoughts, actions and attitude in this whole situation. I cant control Daniel and I dont want to. I dont want to fight for something that is already gone. I want to fight for our marriage, but Daniel doesnt. So I have to accept that and try to move forward.

In a crazy burst of enlightenment this morning driving to work I heard this song and thought...Daniel may have done me the biggest favor of my life. Up until this point, I was surviving life, not living it. I had grown complacent and I stopped being the person that God created me to be. I stopped painting, I stopped hanging out with friends, I had put all of my energy and all of my "worth" into being his wife. I stopped being Starr.

Since he left and I have been in the house alone for almost 2 weeks now, I have started learning to be that person again. I have started hanging out with my friends again, I have started painting again, and I am experiencing all of life...even the terribly hard parts. But I feel again. I am learning that my worth does not lie in being his wife...my worth comes from God and being his bride. I know I'm just beginning this long journey towards healing and renewal, but right now...it feels good and right.

Matthew West - Forgiveness

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness