Sleeping in Prison

Its been exactly one week since my divorce was finalized. The last post I wrote about how I had been feeling restless and anxious. Those feelings didn't subside until after I left the courthouse. For anyone else going through this process, you will come to find out that the actual divorce proceedings in the court are very anti-climactic. It was very cut and dry and no emotion. Afterwards, as we walked back to the cars, trying to make small talk, the realization that it was all over hit me. I held it together as best I could, until the elevator doors shut. It was almost a flood of emotion, relief, exhaustion, freedom. It's honestly hard to explain.

Well, the week that followed was also anti-climactic. I didn't all of sudden feel this huge burden lifted off my shoulders or anything. I went downtown to Nashville Dancin' on Thursday night and hung out with some church friends at the Old Spaghetti Factory. I think this group of strangers that I call "small group" will turn into some amazing friendships this year. The only thing that felt different about that night was the fact that I could look around and check out other guys without feeling guilty. That is a big step.

Fast forward to Saturday...my Freedom Party. I spent the day preparing and getting the house looking good, putting the food and decorations together, and mentally preparing for entertaining my guests. I love to host parties. It was great to spend time with all of my closest friends and just enjoy their presence in my life.

Sunday I was exhausted...but I got up and went to church and boy am I glad. God had a message picked out just for me. We are going through the book of Acts right now and this week's passage was from Acts 12. It was talking about Paul's escape from prison. How appropriate!!

The verses that we focused on were Acts 12: 5-6. "So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him.6The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance."

Pastor Joel spoke about what in our lives are our prisons? What are the things/issues/relationships that we struggle with on a daily basis? And in the midst of those struggles do we trust God enough to REST in the middle of them? Paul was facing execution the next morning and he was asleep in his cell. Why was he not bothered? Why was he not pacing the floor begging God to save him?

What I got from this passage was the fact that Paul trusted God enough, and his faith was strong enough that no matter what situation he found himself in, he didn't have to worry. He knew that God would protect him, and even if he died that next morning, he would be with God in Heaven. What did he have to fear? 

That morning as I sat there in church, surrounded by new friends, and listening to the sermon, all I could do was cry out to God to give me peace. I prayed that He would give me faith strong enough to peacefully sit in the midst of my prison, until the time came for the doors to be flung open. 

The weight has been lifted off of me this week. It sheds little by little each day. And God is already opening up doors for me. I can see the light shining in!! Hold on...this journey is about to get good :)