Journey of Faith

I know its been a few months since my last update. Life has been wonderfully crazy and that is just how I like it. For those of you who have been following my blog and my journey over the past 6 months, you know that God has been working on my heart in amazing ways. For those of you new to my story, I hope you see Jesus in me and I hope you see the ways in which He is being glorified through all the steps I have been taking on this journey of faith.

And its just that...a journey of faith. I always considered myself a Christian and I always, in true Nazarene form, tried to make sure I kept a holy "looking" lifestyle, although on the inside I was filled with guilt and shame. I knew I was a sinner and didn't deserve God's grace because I was never a "good enough" Christian. I judged people for their lifestyles, I didn't read my Bible, I didn't pray, I made excuses to not go to church, but deep down I still believed the promises of God were true.

Well, about past 6 months ago, my whole world and identity as I knew it came crashing down around me. If you don't know that story, just read back in my blog. I feel that since October of 2012 that I have been on a journey to rediscover who I am, who God is, and what that means for me. I am relating really well with Lot the past few months, especially the end of 2012 when all things seemed like a lost cause and I wanted to find a hole to crawl into. I feel like God has been using this awful situation to draw me closer to Him and to reveal himself to me in ways that are new and exciting. I feel that I had to come to a point where all the idols in my life had to be stripped away before I could truly see God. That process has been the most painful one I have ever gone through and I would never wish that on anyone.

But there is hope. Looking back over the past 6 months to the person I was in October, I can barely recognize that girl anymore. I have taken more leaps of faith this year than I have in the past 5 years combined. I am stepping out of my comfort zone to to step into the life God has called me to, as scary as it is. I have started attending the membership classes at my church and I have signed up to become part of a small group. Last night was the first night of the small group intensive and I sat there half full of fear and half full of excitement for the future. Its the first time in a while that I have felt like this is exactly where God wants me to be. I have no idea what kind of group that I will become part of, but I trust that God will place people into my life that will help me to dig out and sort through all of my issues and my questions, and my insecurities. I also trust that God will put people into my life that I can minister to as well.

I left the church last night and I had this strange sensation that I was standing on the edge of a cliff, looking around, but I wasn't scared. Then I had a dream last night that I was hang-gliding and just letting the wind take me where ever it chose to go. I was not in control, and it was so incredibly freeing!!

My only hope for this journey is that I can look back on this time in my life and I can honestly say that I have no regrets, and that I trusted God completely. I pray that my journey can be a blessing to someone out there and that I can be an example of God's grace and provision through even the most awful of situations.

I am so excited to see what tomorrow brings!!